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With engineering works meaning that Chislehurst station was out of action, changes at Blackfriars and London Bridge took JCFC to Sidcup station, whence the 269 bus led to

Episode 8
Sunday 21st November 2021
FA Vase Round 2
Stansfeld   2   v   1   Badshot Lea
Joseph Turnpenny (Greenwich? - see correction by nemesis below); James Beadle, Marian Stoichitoiu.

The admission was Ł4 for concessions - as opposed to a surprising Ł8 with no concessions at New Salamis. The programme revealed that none of the three officials originally appointed was in attendance. Turnpenny was a name never heard before - is it peculiar to his native Essex roots? He was the typical tall, slim, dark-haired young referee and as he led the teams out, he seemed to be engaging in jolly conversation with them.

Stansfeld got off to a cracking start, taking thge lead after just one minute. On 8 minutes the home number 8's foot slipped off the ball in a routine-looking tackle, and caught his opponent. A  foul, certainly, and if the yellow card seemed a little harsh, it did serve to set a mark. On 12 minutes a Stansfeld free-kick hit the crossbar, bounced down and out and was tapped in for the home side's second. From this point Badshot Lea took control. On 17 minutes Mr Beadle flagged for a free-kick, promptly moving to his left at the whistle, indicating that the foul had been outside the area. It mattered not, as when the kick came over to the far post, the home keeper was rather tentative, allowing a visitor to score with a header. They remained on top for the rest of the half, but had nothing to show for it. At the half-time whistle, there was a minor scuffle, Mr Turnpenny isolated a player from each side, sent the rest on their way (not without a certain difficulty) and the Stansfeld number 6 and the Badshot Lea number 4 received yellow cards.

Again, Stansfeld made a lively start to the half, before the visitors again gained the upper hand.Things became a little more tetchy, but Mr Turnpenny kept on top of things. Badshot Lea hit the frame of the goal just after the hour and Stansfeld had a narrow escape on 82 minutes, but could not find the net. One decision drew a lecture for the visiting number 7 for dissent - there might conceivably have been thoughts of a sin-binning, had not a group of home players decided to put their fillings in unnecessarily, presumably demanding just that. In the end, 6 minutes of time were added, with Stansfeld forcing an excellent tip over from the keeper.

Mr Turnpenny is to be commended on a good performance, with regular use of backward gear showing good awareness and adapting his approach on the rare occasions when possible trouble might have been brewing. A decent effort, but not quite enough to earn a place in the top 3 Level 4s seen this season.

Rather than return to Sidcup, JCFC decided to head towards his ultimate destination, catching the 269 again as far as Bickley station, which promised a choice of connections to either Elephant and Castle or Herne Hill. The latter was again operating as replacement buses, while the former was delayed and subsequently cancelled because of a points failure. When the next one, half an hour later suffered the same fate, JCFC caught the 162 bus to Beckenham Junction, where there was a swift transition to the tram. Alighting at Mitcham Junction, JCFC waited for the tram to move away rather than cross in front of it, but it did not move. The time lost was crucial, as the train to Sutton arrived and departed as JCFC crossed the footbridge, making for a very cold wait of 25 minutes.Thawing out took some considerable time!

Quote from: JCFC on Mon 22 Nov 2021 20:09

With engineering works meaning that Chislehurst station was out of action, changes at Blackfriars and London Bridge took JCFC to Sidcup station, whence the 269 bus led to

Episode 8
Sunday 21st November 2021
FA Vase Round 2
Stansfeld   2   v   1   Badshot Lea
Joseph Turnpenny (Greenwich?); James Beadle, Marian Stoichitoiu.

I think you'll find Joseph Turnpenny is from Billericay.

Well, somebody has to be!

Thank you, though, nemesis. The Greenwich must apply to his workplace. He was educated at Westcliff - and had the good sense to do A-Level German.

For a variety of reasons, the most enjoyable of my three afternoons in the South was the football-free Friday, which involved a pleasant stroll along the canalside Saturn Trail from Brookwood to Woking centre. Even then, I seemed to be under-equipped,as I was one of the few people without a dog in tow.One of these four-legged friends took a liking to my coat and was reluctant to let it go, or more probably it was a dedicated follower of fashion showing its disapproval of my dress sense.

A recent magazine competition had put me in mind of Gerard Hoffnung's Misleading advice to foreign tourists and the sight of so many dogs led me to suggest a modern one:

When walking in the country it is considered impolite if you fail to greet every dog-walker with a warm embrace and an enthusiastic exclamation of "I am very keen on dogging."

Hoffnung would have put it more elegantly, of course.

For a variety of reasons, the most enjoyable of my three afternoons in the South was the football-free Friday, which involved a pleasant stroll along the canalside Saturn Trail from Brookwood to Woking centre. Even then, I seemed to be under-equipped,as I was one of the few people without a dog in tow.One of these four-legged friends took a liking to my coat and was reluctant to let it go, or more probably it was a dedicated follower of fashion showing its disapproval of my dress sense.

A recent magazine competition had put me in mind of Gerard Hoffnung's Misleading advice to foreign tourists and the sight of so many dogs led me to suggest a modern one:

When walking in the country it is considered impolite if you fail to greet every dog-walker with a warm embrace and an enthusiastic exclamation of "I am very keen on dogging."

Hoffnung would have put it more elegantly, of course.

Not one for you, I guess, but I liked this ........

https://twitter.com/buitengebieden_/status/1466905397734821900

A nasty wet morning deterred JCFC from the hoped-for trip to Glossop. Many matches, including the next choice at Golcar, were called off because of waterlogged pitches - the ironic exception coming at Winsford, where the reason for the postponement was the lack of a water supply. So it was that JCFC made his way to Farsley, for:

Saturday 4th December 2021
NCEFL Premier
Albion Sports   3   v   1   Winterton Rangers
Joshua Drake, Gary Hubbard, Paul Saunders.

Before the kick-off, the kenspeckle figure of Mr Observer Richardson took his place in the press box. He was accompanied by an unrecognised young man, who, given his woolly hat and his spectacles, would have been taken for the stereotypical computer geek - but for the absence of a computer.
JCFC, based on his previous sighting of Mr Drake, commented that he was a referee who looked to set the tone and lead the proceedings,and indeed he started in assured fashion. His general alertness was good, his backwards running contributing to this, and his use of his whistle appealed - strong, but not long. Unfortunately, Albion are not a side easily led; Their challenges are usually very untidy and might often be euphemistically be termed "uncompromising." They conceded a number of free-kicks and proved to be slow learners. Mr Drake was therefore presented with a dilemma at the point at which he might have hoped to be relaxing his grip a little. With the benefit of hindsight, one very minor little disagreement on the touchline might have given him a chance to impose himself with more formal cooling words, but at the time he seemed to have handled the situation well. On 17 minutes an Albion challenge led a very loud visiting spectator to bellow a list of opinions - reckless, dangerous, red - but Mr Drake's yellow seemed the appropriate sanction. Minutes later, from the other side - surely not the directors' box - came repeated shouts from someone well-versed in the laws,who knew about these things that an offside free-kick could not be taken in his own half. Despite the regular stoppages, there was plenty of attacking play - Albion having more of it, but Winterton looking more dangerous. Albion did create a great chance on 25 minutes, but fired it well over. It was perhaps ironic that it was following a free-kick for a Winterton foul,that Albion took the lead just before the break. Each side had a player eager to offer a word of advice at the whistle.

At the end of the half-time break, the computer geek returned from his visit indoors and informed JCFC that he was "bonkers", given the matches he attended - a remark with which it was impossible to disagree. As his cover had clearly been blown, JCFC asked the chap who he was, only to discover that it was Mr Drake's CORE Coach, James Bell, who, very pleasantly made some complimentary comments about JCFC's ramblings. Mr Richardson, not wishing Mr Bell to receive more column inches returned with a bun (the edible small cake, not a new hairdo which JCFC received gratefully.

Ten minutes into the second half, the Winterton keeper did well to turn a shot for a corner, but was ultimately unable to prevent Albion's second, Winterton replying almost immediately with a goal of their own. Another Winterton attack was ended with a barge on the touchline. Mr Saunders flagged,and eventually the Albion player was shown a yellow card. The free-kick was taken not from the touchline, but from a considerable distance infield, so perhaps the caution had been for some other offence in the move. A major defensive slip midway through the half presented Albion with their third. What appeared a very good tackle by the home number 6 was penalised, much to his annoyance, but he kept his dissent within limits. On 85 minutes a lunging challenge by the visiting number 4 saw Albion players crowding the referee. At a distance of 60 yards, the nature of the contact was not clear: it looked the sort of challenge that can lead to a red card, but credit to Mr Drake for not bowing to the Albion pressure and showing yellow.

Earlier this season, JCFC had written

Sunday 12th September 2021
FA Vase 1st Qualifying Round
Worsbrough Bridge Athletic   1   v   2   Maine Road
Joshua Drake (S&H FA);.

JCFC was just buying a cup of tea when the officials came in for their brew ... Mr Drake was very young, slim and trim... Mr Drake appeared a very personable young man, helpfully assisting the Maine Road stand-in secretary with paper-work that he had not had to deal with for many years. He applied the same degree of sympathy to his subsequent warm-up, adapting his pace to the slowest member of the team.
...
As for Mr Drake, he was excellent, communicating clearly with the players and extracting a good response - hence the absence of cards. His manner onfield seemed as good as it had been before the match. He has a very strong whistle, but only used it when appropriate, and his movement was good, though one late break could perhaps have deserved a slightly faster sprint than it received. This was the third highly promising showing from a young Level 4 this season. It would be intriguing to see whether he copes as well with a more testing encounter. The guess is that he would!

Well, this was a more testing encounter, which did not give him the same chance to sail supremely through the game. His Observer and his Coach will doubtless have been able to suggest what action he could/should have taken as the foul count grew and frustration mounted, but none of the fouls were particularly serious in themselves - time for a scapegoat? - and it will have been a good learning experience for him. His general approach, however, was still pleasing and he saw the match to a conclusion with no major incidents and a full complement of players on the pitch - by no means a given in JCFC's experience of Albion's games. Not a top-notch performance this time, but a decent enough effort.

There was only a minute's wait for the bus, followed by a further minute in Bradford, so JCFC was home in under an hour.

At the end of the half-time break, the computer geek returned from his visit indoors and informed JCFC that he was "bonkers", given the matches he attended - a remark with which it was impossible to disagree. As his cover had clearly been blown, JCFC asked the chap who he was, only to discover that it was Mr Drake's CORE Coach, James Bell, who, very pleasantly made some complimentary comments about JCFC's ramblings. Mr Richardson, not wishing Mr Bell to receive more column inches returned with a bun (the edible small cake, not a new hairdo which JCFC received gratefully.

I suppose that the bun would to some extent ameliorate the consequences of a possible further freezer failure.

I first came across the word "kenspeckle" in the works of Compton Mackenzie, though I have a vague recollection that he used it in a different - almost opposite - sense.

It was a word often used, sometimes even about referees, by the late Bill McLaren, my all-time favourite commentator.

On a day of intermittent rain, JCFC made his way to

Episode 9
Saturday 11th December 2021
FA Vase 3rd Round
Wythenshawe Town   3   v   0   Billingham Synthonia
Tom Elliott; James Atkinson, Daniel Hughes.

Several years have passed since Mr Elliott was seen as assistant to Martin Woods at Runcorn Town, when he was very tall, slim and crowned with striking red hair. In the interim he earned a ticket to Level 3. He remains very tall and slim, but the coiffure is somewhat less striking, several of its constituents having opted for early retirement. AR1 was of normal, unremarkable appearance, AR2 slight of build and very boyish in appearance.

The seating is located in the corner of the ground and has adjacent covered standing which in the conditions was well populated, obscuring the view of the dug-outs and a large chunk of the corner on the same side. There then appeared a large, noisily excitable lady, complete with hair bunched on top of her head and she took her seat on the row in front. Her excitement led her to stand and though she seemed a pleasant soul, she proved a better door than a window, as the far goal disappeared from sight, even when JCFC joined those standing. The events of the match were therefore to prove elusive, especially as the play in the first half was largely at the far end, which the home side were attacking.

Thus it was that it was impossible to tell what had caused Mr Elliott to call two players for a lecture within a minute of the kick-off. There followed an unappealing match, with a number of petty squabbles, and a growing sense of animosity on the pitch, Synners contributing some robust challenges and Wythenshawe an inordinate amount of appeals, whingeing and dissent. Wythenshawe took the lead on 25 minutes, from a corner. Billingham responded two minutes later with a shot that grazed the bar, but otherwise proceedings were eminently forgettable. As the players entered the ckubhouse at the break there was clearly an incident of some sort just inside, which drew appeals from a home player to Mr Elliott, who was naturally following behind and some distance away. A crowd of inquisitive spectators peered in through the doorway as Mr Elliott moved to sort things out.

Whatever had happened, the second half began, slightly late, with a full complement - well, not quite, as the large lady did not return, much to JCFC's relief. There was soon an incident of some sort in the far opposite corner, which occasioned a certain delay, with Mr Elliott looking as if he had shown a yellow card - for what and to whom remains unclear to those in the stands. A minute later the Billingham number 5 shouted aggressively in the referee's face and looked as if he came close to making physical contact. The animosity had not abated, the visiting number 3 choosing to go through with an unnecessary "clearance" after the whistle had gone - in effect kicking the ball at the player on the ground. Cue long complaints from home players, but no action. Wythenshawe missed a glaring chance on 64 minutes. On 71 minutes play disappeared into the hidden corner and nothing happened. A brief gap between the heads in the standing area revealed that there was an injury to a visiting player and there was a delay of just over 8 minutes before he was stretchered off. Soon after play resumed, a home attacker was taken down as he ran clear and the Billingham number 5 received a red card. A case could conceivably have been made that the angle of the run was slightly skewed away from goal, but the decision appeared perfectly reasonable. What was definitely not correct was the Billingham twitter claim that there was no foul as he had made contact with the ball. Whetehr he did or not (as JCFC believed) is irrelevant as there was a clear hooking raise of the foot. A corner after 85 minutes produced Wythenshawe's second, through a strong header. A yellow was flashed at a visiting player on 90 minutes. On 96 minutes a cross into the Billingham goal area was deliberately steered, rather than miscued, into the hands of the keeper by his number 3, who somehow could not believe the (correct) back-pass decision. There was some difficulty in getting the keeper back on his line, but no difficulty for Wytheshawe in scoring their third. In the end Mr Elliott played an extraordinary 15 minutes of added time, before putting an end to a less than enjoyable afternoon.

The atmosphere on the pitch had not been good and Mr Elliott did not have the easiest of tasks. His decisions - or at least those that could be seen - were fair enough, though odd things were perhaps missed. The level of backchat, though, was disappointing and may provide a hint as to why his ticket to Level 3 would appear to have been a return one.