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JCFC was not the only boring old man to have selected

Saturday 13th October 2018
Episode 6
FA Vase 1st Round
Saffron Dynamo   3   v   3.  Bottesford Town
Kenwyn Hughes (Nottingham); Dave Avison, Gavin Rice.

The officials were already well into their brew when JCFC arrived and the appointment must have specified "Beards obligatory.". As at this point last year, Mr Avison's was the neatest: so much so that once out in the wind it seemed to disappear - a case of Michael Finnegan syndrome maybe. Mr Hughes, too, had a tidy beard, the face behind it possibly less so. Mr Rice scooped the prize for the fullest beard which matched his figure perfectly.

Sadly, this being a step 7 ground there was no seating. The pavilion was some distance from the pitch and reached by a circuitous taped-off walkway, so it was foolish not to emerge until three minutes before kick-off. With a delay while Mr Rice fiddled with his net, another for Mr Hughes to deliver his spiel, two attempts at a toss and another wait while the referee fiddled with his watch, things got under way over three minutes late, already causing anxiety among bus travellers.

Bottesford had the advantage of a strong wind in the first half and controlled the play. After 14 minutes nothing much had happened, so JCFC put his notepad away, only to have to bring it out within seconds as Bottesford took the lead. Back in the pocket it went, remaining there for ten minutes before the visitors added a second goal. It came out once more on 35 minutes when the Dynamo number 6 was cautioned, their number 2 receiving a lecture shortly afterwards. On 43 minutes Mr Rice flagged for offside as a defender headed out for a corner: Mr Hughes went to have a word, but correctly stood by his decision to award a corner. In added time Mr Avison was on the receiving end of some dissent from the home number 9.

Dynamo (are they the Leicester Secret Police team?) were out in plenty of time for the second half. Bottesford were slightly later, emerging  as the game should have restarted. Thoughts that Mr Hughes had speeded them on their way proved incorrect as it was not until 19 minutes after the end of the first half that the officials emerged and strolled to the pitch. They did at least have the decency to skip the net inspection and get the game restarted - at least, after Mr Hughes had fiddled with his watch again. Even if he had received a half-time message that his favourite goldfish had expired and floated off to the great aquarium in the sky, to extend half-time by a full six minutes is inexcusable.

Early in this second period Mr Avison had the first of many struggles to attract Mr Hughes's attention to the pending substitution and had to wait for a second attempt. Dynamo now had the wind behind them, pulling a goal back just before the hour. A Bottesford defender received a yellow card on 70 minutes and the home side equalised two minutes later. It took a good save by the home keeper on 84 minutes to relieve misgivings Mr Avison might have had over a tight onside decision and take things to extra time.

The main feature of this seemed likely to be Mr Avison's ongoing battles to alert Mr Hughes to substitutions - once even when a player was being supported off by the physio. On 102 minutes, however, Mr Avison rightly flagged for a foul by the home number 7, who received a yellow card, amidst Bottesford demands that It deserved more. (It didn't!) Three minutes later Bottesford went ahead for the third time. Three minutes into added time the ball was loose in the Bottesford penalty area, the home number 7 and the visiting keeper both went for it and Mr Hughes showed the attacker his second yellow. It seemed a surprising decision, but Mr Hughes was well placed.

With ten men, but the wind once more behind them, Dynamo soon got back on level terms and continued to press for a winner. Instead they merely acquired another caution and must head for Scunthorpe for a replay. JCFC will not be there.

Lean and mobile, Mr Hughes was always well up with play. Timekeeping and alertness issues aside, he did reasonably well, without ever looking totally commanding, one request for a replacement ball being completely ignored. Six minutes extra at half time, though ...unforgivable!

Not long ago, in our previous incarnation, hopes were expressed that Michael Naylor would remain in the game, as he would make an ideal coach for young officials. This presumably explains his presence at

Wednesday 17th October 2018
Sheffield and Hallamshire County Cup 2nd Round
Emley   0   v   5   Handsworth Parramore
Sam Wright; Steven Taylor (not the one with the huge feet), Connor Everard (probably unrelated to Larry Grayson's friend.)

The officials were indeed young - ish in the case of AR1, whose upside down configuration of his coiffure made him look much older. AR2 was very boyish in appearance, in an eager, bouncy sort of way. Mr Wright is fair haired and of quite mature-looking physique, if not features.

Though the first decent chance fell to Emley, blocked by the keeper, it soon became apparent that Parramore were that bit sharper in thought and in deed, and the more cohesive unit. They duly took the lead on 16 minutes. The second goal came ten minutes later when the Emley keeper raced out of his area and took out his own defender leaving two attackers standing for a simple finish. A corner just a minute later produced the third. Any half-time thoughts of an Emley fight back lasted less than 20 seconds after the restart, as the visitors raced away on the right and lobbed the keeper. Parramore had a header against the crossbar before adding a fifth on 70 minutes.

It had been a pleasant enough evening, if a slightly odd game. Mr Wright had little trouble, though he twice had to speak to the Emley number 11. He allowed one or two late arrivals to pass without censure - or advantage signal, it seemed - and he was quite permissive about attempts at holding. There was a cheer after about an hour when Emley were finally awarded a free-kick and a brief spell when a quick succession of tackles flew in, but he held his nerve and did not intervene. His facial appearance remained pretty bland and expressionless throughout - a wasted asset. Overall his approach was perfectly suited to the tenor of this particular game, and he doubtless has a plan B for more feisty encounters. He does possess a strong voice when needed and was commendably firm in quashing the few dissenters. It would be interesting to see him again in a more competitive environment. And his timekeeping was excellent!

Staveley 1 Athersley Rec 1
NCEFL
Att.  150+

Referee: Reece Davies of Derbyshire

Well there's one thing for sure. I wouldn't want Mr Reece to be the only server behind a bar when there's a run on ale at " Last Orders " !  The pace in which he got around to doing most things was on the horizontal side of " laid back" ! 

With only a couple of points ( I nearly said pints 😊) to raise. One a 69th minute free kick where he sold his Assistant up the Swanee somewhat, as good as inviting him in on a free kick, and then going the opposite way.  His prerogative of course, but not an easy sell to an already irate visitors defence.

The other was allowing the visitors to crowd and question too many times, though I acknowledge there were two of the five cautions issued for such.

Those points made, this was as authoritative a performance as I've seen . Mr Reece's decision making was sound yet understated. He was fit, yet didn't burn the turf for the sake of it, and he'd certainly turn a head down the South Coast way if ever he enters Bmb territory, if dashing good looks count for anything ! 😊

A tough old game, refereed with a calmness that ought to lead to better things.  Well done !

Referee 8/10
Game difficulty 8/10

He was fit, yet didn't burn the turf for the sake of it, and he'd certainly turn a head down the South Coast way if ever he enters Bmb territory, if dashing good looks count for anything ! 😊

As if Missy bmb would ever be so shallow as to judge on looks alone...   Mr Kassai happens to be an excellent referee as well as being top totty!!


Adds name Reece Davies to potential hotty list! The search for Mr. K's replacement has started!!!

AS the fourth quarter began, Mr Miller seemed apologetic at not allowing an advantage - either that or he was posing for an advert for a heartburn remedy.

I absolutely love your reports JCFC, they paint a fantastic picture!

Another Saturday, another strike ... though they say that this is the final one of the series. In the words of Tom Paxton

"I believe, I do, I believe it's true,
I believe exactly what they tell me to.
I believe, I do, I believe it's true,
I'm a simple guy, I believe."

And now the Saturday strikes have been extended until the 10th November! This coming weekend poses no problem as I shall be in Germany, but the following Saturday the choice of Vase match will be complicated once more.

With the Saturday strikes ongoing, it was three buses that led to

Episode 8
FA Vase 2nd Round
Silsden   3   v   1   Bedlington Terriers
Samuel Ross (Durham); Mark Bell, Kevin Patterson.

Young Mr Ross - the guess would be on the uphill slope of his twenties - looked smart, but is obviously rather shy, as having claimed his welcome brew, he led his team back to the sanctuary of his changing room. In the course of his warm-up, however, he engaged a couple of times in a bit of by-play with officials or players of each side.

Bedlington made the ideal start, taking the lead within two minutes through an excellent shot. They cut through the Silsden defence three minutes later, but the home keeper took the ball off the attacker's toes. After a shaky start, Silsden steadied and created a couple of great openings of their own, both falling to their number 10, who put the first one wide and lost the second through a clunking first touch. They continued to enjoy the bulk of possession and dominated in terms of position, though Bedlington always looked a potential threat on the break. There were several fouls by Bedlington - and one naughty-looking Silsden reaction - that must have had Mr Ross thinking about a card - and the visiting number 10 might have been the prime candidate -  though there was nothing that absolutely demanded one. At the interval the Bedlington coach wanted a word with Mr Ross, while Silsden officials were bemused, rather than angry, at the difference in tolerance level between Mr Ross and the officials they encounter in the NWCFL.

Two minutes after the restart, however, Mr Ross found his yellow card, for a tug back by the Bedlington number 2. Bedlington had a good spell, with a shot blocked on the line and then a good save from the Silsden keeper. Silsden put a header wide on 55 minutes and almost immediately the Bedlington number 4 escaped a card for  pulling back an attacker. Silsden drew level on 61 minutes with a strong header from a free-kick and added a second just three minutes later. The Bedlington number 8 was spoken to for a little nibble at the keeper, and their number 7 received a yellow card for dissent at the award of a goal-kick when a shot hit the post - there was a strong suspicion in the stand that the keeper had indeed got a finger to the ball. Silsden's number 10 was in on goal again and turned a defender inside out only to blast the ball over the goal. Silsden's third, on 78 minutes, was followed by a yellow for the Bedlington number 12, who overdid protests to the assistant. On 83 minutes a nasty-looking two-footed challenge by the Bedlington number 7 led to a group scuffle, with a correct red for the offender and a yellow for the Silsden man's reaction. A wild challenge saw a yellow for the visiting number 6 - it could almost have been more -  and on 88 minutes there was nothing more than a free-kick when the visiting number 5 pushed an opponent over. Silsden were thankful in added time when a shot once again rattled the frame of their goal.

Bedlington had not endeared themselves with their approach, the Ancient Sages becoming rather more gladiatorial in their comments than is usual, and neutrals were unimpressed by the visiting fan who chose to abuse AR2 in terms that were more descriptive of himself. Mr Ross had done reasonably well on the whole, though could possibly have imposed himself rather more earlier on. His movement and adjustment were first rate, with excellent use of reverse and sideways gears, and his recognition of fouls seemed accurate enough, though there was a possible inconsistency in his use of further sanctions. A decent afternoon's work, but not yet one to have JCFC purring.

Of the twelve Northern teams going through to the next round, six are from the Northern League, five from the NWCFL and only one from NCEFL. Please may the strikes have ended by December 1st - though they probably won't.